Where IS my fauxhawk!?!

Tonight I am finally gonna get my hair cut. Some of you may have noticed that I was wearing my hair "down" as opposed to up in the usually fashion of my mofauxhawk. That's cause my hair was to long to be "up". You see, a mofauxhawk acts similar to a wind vein so when it is larger than normal, problems can occur. This topic is really lame...but I am excited about getting my mofaux back.

Slightly More Exciting Topic:

Last night I was boarding at Blue Mountain and I accidentally on purpose went out of bounds. What?! There was fresh power! how could I resist. But unfortunately a ski patrol saw me and felt the need to power trip. So in the end I lost my pass for 24hrs and must watch a safety video to get it back. Plus I will receive a "punched hole" in my pass to say that "this dude is a trouble maker"! I like that idea. What I don't like is that they let you fly through the trees but not on a side trail with fresh powder. I guess when I see a rope is across the trail next time I won't duck under it. Lesson learnt.

Workplace Etiquette

**The following material contains toilet humour and**

**may offend some.**

**Reader discretion is advised!! HA**

I thought it was just me who used these ideas untill I read this. I feel like I fit in with the rest of society now. I'm so relieved...

HOW TO POOP AT WORK

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles or offices and suddenly felt something brewing down below.

As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.

CROP DUSTING: When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER: People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an ESCAPEE, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an ESCAPEE. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK: When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH: (pay particular attention to this, please) the act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist....can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER before entering the bathroom.

SAFE HAVENS: Seldom used bathrooms somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR: Someone who does not realize you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH: A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON: A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion - See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELETTE: A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water....Often accompanied by an ESCAPEE. Try using CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crappper, as you should always wait to poop when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

As if that stupid...

ground hog can predict the coming of spring. What nonsense! Happy Ground Hog's day everyone.

So um, time for another Steve story. So many to chose from. I have it! I will tell you briefly (not tighty whitey's) of my recent adventure to Mt. St. Anne Quebec. The story is called...

What'd you do that for?

I went to "Q" as a chaperon for the King's collegiate Christian High School's annual ski trip. My goal was to speak into the lives of the youth attending, be a Godly example to them, and of course, go snowbin' (snowboarding). The part of the trip I will detail for you is the part were we, about 11 or 12 chaperones, are in the 8 person max hot tub. It was strange, but fun, and no impurities. These other chaperones are real fun people, most single in the 20-30 range, some married but young, and some older dads.

So picture this. A hot tub outside of the main lodge, with snow all around, steam rising from the hot water, and 11 adults in the tub acting like totall goofs. We set a good example I think. I really felt like a sardine, seriously. All of us trying to keep our shoulders under the water to prevent from freezing. It was -22C or so and my hair was completely frozen. The water is spilling over the edge, theres arms and legs flailing everywhere. Every 10 seconds someone yells "who's foot is that"!! We are having a great time.

Then another one of the chaperones appears at the hot tub and demands for everyone to make room. But we can't. She says "I'll go in the middle then". Pointing to the location of all our tangled arms and legs. Of course this is all in a frantic motion cause she's outside in a bathing suit at -22C. No one can really move at all. Now this person is slighty bigger than the rest of us. So she's standing on the edge on the tub, desperately wanting in, so she leans forward and...DIVES RIGHT INTO THE FLIPPIN TUB!!! I talkin head first!!! She almost sac'd one of the older and mature dad's with her head! Water went everywhere!! It was the funniest and craziest thing I've ever seen!! I still can't believe it happened! Now everyone was fine, no injures. I think one of the dad's was offended though. HA, what a crazy girl, dang! I wish I had a reply...